I’ve been giving the Tigers a tough time, not like the contact their hitters make. Okay, okay, that’s sufficient. It’s time to dig in on Spencer Torkelson (2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his tenth and eleventh homer, and third homer in two video games). It’s a must to dig deep as a result of his prospect standing has sunk so low. All proper, that’s not good. Critically, I would like to take a look at Torkelson. Yikes, that’s a soar scare. In 187 video games within the majors, he has 19 HRs, 2 SBs and a .210 common. Josh Bell is a foul hitter; Torkelson is a bad-hitting Josh Bell. Name him Gosh That’s Hell. Any hoo! He’s younger and he simply had his greatest month within the majors, 7 HRs in just below 100 ABs. He nonetheless hit .180-ish, however child steps, Gosh That’s Hell. Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Reese Olson – Left the sport after taking a one-hopper off his knee. Solely means you ought to be doing that’s off the highest rope Snuka’ing down onto the Easter Bunny and exhibiting that hopper the right way to take a knee.
Leody Taveras – 1-for-4 and his ninth homer. Leody is my favourite outfielder who appears like he may’ve been within the Heaven’s Gate cult.
Ezequiel Duran – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his twelfth homer, hitting .326, and third straight recreation with a house run. Time to begin making silly comps with the Participant Rater. Duran has been about nearly as good as Bregman, higher than Muncy, Gunnar, Chapman, Machado, and Jordan Walker (Bruce Hurst me to checklist him). By the best way, not completely associated, however Justin Turner and Ryan McMahon have been nice. I get questions asking to drop McMahon, and now I’m confused.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 1-for-4 and his ninth homer, and 2nd homer in as many video games. Tossing a coin in a fountain, and wishing for Jazz to get sizzling, then grabbing out the identical coin, and throwing it again in and making the identical want, then repeating that for the subsequent three months.
Jesus Luzardo – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.53. He was crusing by means of the Crimson Sox, holding tempo with Bello, however for whom the Bello tollos?! Since this recreation was just one on, and about 75-minutes-long, I watched, and Luzardo is completely an ace. Little bit of luck impartial as it’s now, so he’s not a lot better than a 3.50 ERA man, however his peripherals are nice, and, if he controls the homers allowed, which he ought to since he has nice command, Luzardo will get there with one of the best within the recreation. This yr? Like most Marlins’ starters, he’s developing shortly to an innings restrict.
Brayan Bello – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.08. In a renewed little bit of Crimson Sox/Yankees rivalry, I believed Bello could be going for a no-hitter on the heels of Domingo’s perfecto. Had six no-hit innings, then the wheels got here off, however not terrible by any means. He seems like a future ace, too. He’s a full yr behind Luzardo, although.
Brandon Pfaadt – 2 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 9.82, as he was recalled. Bizarre Al, “If you happen to’re Pfaadt, you’re nothing.” Powerful however truthful, Bizarre Al. It’s loopy that the consensus high three rookie SPs going into the season have been Grayson, Pfaadt, and Gavin Stone and all been rubbish. TINSTAAPFAADT.
Corbin Carroll – Was faraway from the sport after it appeared like he damage his shoulder. I would like a prayer heptagram. If Corbin is injured, then might I counsel we delay the season till Oneil Cruz returns? Or possibly the DBacks can play a 60-day further inning recreation that lasts 550 innings. Or possibly simply don’t be injured badly! Please!
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-3 and his twelfth homer, hitting .271, however a Battle Bus month. Lu-Gu-Ju and that Ju is for Junior not June, as a result of he took the month off, hitting near-.175. Possibly he’s popping out of it now, however that’s his first homer in two weeks.
Luke Raley – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his thirteenth homer. If you happen to drafted all guys with Raley of their final identify, you’d be sitting fairly with Luke and Jake Fraley. Hopefully you dropped Brooks.
Alejandro Kirk – 0-for-2 as he was activated from the IL. He returns from a hand laceration. Bizarre, as a result of he hasn’t laced the ball in any respect this yr.
Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 4.06. There was a second there when he had 9 strikeouts by means of the primary 11 batters once I thought Bassitt was going to be difficult Kerry Wooden. In all seriousness, a pitcher must be higher than good to strategy 20 Ks in a recreation. Arduous to think about anybody doing it, then I notice that pile of crap named Lance Lynn had 16 earlier this yr.
Alex Cobb – Will return at the moment vs. the Mets. Gonna take a cross on his first begin again, however, very like Puppetry of the Penis, I’m placing a monocle on that Cobb.
Keaton Winn – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.50. His MiLB numbers (11.1 Ok/9), 96 MPH fastball velo and nice splitter has me curious why there’s not a lot written about him, however I feel as a result of he misplaced a yr to Covid and a yr to Tommy John has induced him to vanish from radar (weapons). He’s out there in my very deep NL-Solely leagues, so nobody cares. Effectively, Tupac cares if nobody else does.
Luis Urias – Despatched right down to Triple-A. That’s fairly surprising. He wasn’t hitting nicely, however, if that’s the standards for the Brewers, then they need to ship down everybody however Yelich.
Brett Baty – 1-for-2 and his fifth homer. This man has been low-key terrible. Is it even low-key? I feel while you’re terrible all the pieces is low-key. Hopefully, he’s lastly exhibiting that MiLB pop.
Brandon Nimmo – 1-for-2 and his eleventh homer, and third homer in three video games. Nimmo be discovering ’em!
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.87. No less than he’s not as cooked as Verlander. Might say that about your entire Mets crew.
Adam Wainwright – 1 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 7.45. Possibly I’m ostrich’ing my head into the sand, however nonetheless assume Adam Wainwright is a Corridor of Famer, finally. This isn’t him. This yr ought to’ve by no means occurred for him. Uncle Charlie ought to’ve rode out within the sundown along with his buddies final yr.
Kyle Tucker – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his eleventh homer. Been on a little bit of a Snooze-coaster with this man this yr, huh? Feels that means, and he’s nonetheless round high 40 general on the Participant Rater, and hasn’t been sizzling as soon as, so *an emoji that shrugs and thinks about how it will take that over an injured Aaron Decide*
Alex Bregman – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his twelfth homer. AB, see ya, ball! No? You’re proper.
J.P. France – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Juan Pierre France received out to an enormous early lead, and coasted out to the Ivictory Island for a free night time on the W. Streamonator loves his subsequent one, and that appears like a seize now within the landmark case of sooner vs. later.
Freddie Freeman – 2-for-3, 1 run, 3 RBIs, hitting .321, because the Dodgers let everybody get just a few hits final night time at Coors. Freeman is the primary Dodgers participant with 100 hits, 50 RBIs and 10 steals earlier than the month of July since RBI was first tracked in 1920. *pushes glass’s body up bridge of nostril* You bought that, nerds!?
J.D. Martinez – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his nineteenth homer, and third homer on this Coors collection. Simply Dong as a result of that’s what Simply Dongs do.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4 and his twenty first homer. June, do it’s important to depart so quickly?
Taijuan Walker – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.93. He’s been good for some time now — final 32 IP, 0.84 ERA and, wait till you hear this freaky shizz, an 0.84 WHIP. WUT.
Josh Donaldson – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his eighth homer. Padding that Corridor of Fame (of Guys Who’re Cooked) resume! Josh Donaldson leaning into the mic, “Since I used to be a child in Pensacola, the white sand under my toes, as I honed my craft of being ‘Actually Cooked.’”
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his fifth homer. One may assume that it’s unhappy the Yanks are enjoying with Donaldson and IKF, but it surely’s means sadder to have them beat you. By the by, on IKF’s homer, Ruiz practically robbed it however misplaced his glove over the fence, which is a few severe Little League vibes. MLB can be on tempo for extra house run robberies than another yr. However the information received’t discuss that!
Clarke Schmidt – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.37. He’s nonetheless a straight Streamonator name, depart a message and I’ll get again to you! Sorry, was listening to De La.
Logan Allen – Despatched right down to Triple-A. Logan Allen appears like a furnishings retailer, and now he’s couch away from the majors. Snapped him in half! Bam! No? Okay.
Shane Bieber – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.48. Is it me (it’s not me) or is each pitcher one horrible recreation away from a 4.00 ERA? Possibly I’m being pessimist as a result of I had a foul lunch at a deli, and informed them, “You’re not sandwich artists, you’re con artists!”
Emmanuel Clase – 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.56, and his sixth blown save. If there was a full slate of video games, I wouldn’t have even talked about Clase, as a result of I solely point out closers after they’re at risk of shedding their job, or simply getting a job, or injured. Clase is secure nonetheless, however six blown saves. My boy Ted says, “Woof, bro.”
Luis Ortiz – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.11. They need to let him pitch with blue baseballs to raised Ortiz. As for those who wanted to know, however Streamonator hates him.
Joe Musgrove – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.80, and the no determination. Quite a bit has been made in regards to the Yankees not being good this yr. The Padres suck, yo! Like Odor has wafted into each participant’s face and drifted into their nostril, and finally into their bloodstream.
Ha-Seong Kim – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his ninth homer. He’s one of many hottest bats within the majors proper now so you recognize he’s going to be on this afternoon’s Purchase column.
Trent Grisham – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his seventh homer, hitting .210. His Launch Angle of 21 made me do a powerful cackle that got here out each side of my mouth and had the neighbors coming over to test on me. Grisham, bro, buddy, fella, you’ve gotten 275-foot energy. Having a Rhys Hoskins-like Launch Angle ain’t it, buddy.
Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in as many video games. Glad I caught him in my lineup in a single weekly league, regardless that I didn’t wish to. Typically it’s higher to be fortunate than–*falls down a flight of stairs* Rattling it!
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-3 and his fifth homer. Mostsuckass homered off Lance Lynn, and that needs to be describing motion in a KBO recreation.
Mickey Moniak – 1-for-5 and his eighth homer, as he hits leadoff. Moniak is essentially the most shocking improvement of the Angels’ season, and it seems fairly legit. Possibly they didn’t take a wash with Marsh. Or, as my dad would say, warsh.
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his twenty ninth homer, hitting .309. He’s the Biggest GOAT Of All-Time. He’s the GGOATOAT.
Patrick Sandoval – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.69. His peripherals made me vomit in my mouth, then I spit it on the bottom and my vomit spelled out, “Drop him, he sucks.” Wild how good my vomit is. Sending my vomit to commerce faculty in September. Gonna sit again and look forward to my vomit to graduate, come house and begin caring for me.
Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 6.47. The one pitcher who Sandoval seems higher than, it’s Lance Lynn! Or by the identify I’ve began to name him, The Sentient Poop Emoji.
Lance Lynn vs. Patrick Sandoval pic.twitter.com/uE1WR75D1A
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 29, 2023
Zach Remillard – 2-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .400 and leadoff. Simply did a google for Remillard and I discovered a 2500-word essay a few divorcée bouncing again in an inspirational story adopted by a recipe for a sauce that’s greatest served with seafood truffles, corresponding to crab and salmon. Hunh, bizarre. Any hoo! Remillard was hitting leadoff yesterday, so there’s worth in that. He additionally seems to be a Quad-A participant with pace (25-ish steal pace), and he makes lots of contact, however the ball doesn’t go very far. He received’t be on this afternoon’s Purchase column, and nonetheless an AL-Solely play.